The Deer Hunter

But Have You Seen It High

I’m not sure why I subjected myself to watching this film for a THIRD time. I watched it first in college, a night I stayed in to just watch movies alone (this happened often), and I remember watching it on some sort of Pop-Up video version of the movie. Little facts would pop up about the film, interesting tidbits, what have you. It maybe made it easier to swallow that first viewing.

I remembered the film. Not specific details. I remembered it being intense, but I don’t think I remembered HOW intense it was. When I rewatched the film for a second time, not that long ago, (maybe within the last year?), I realized my brain had done that thing it does with trauma sometimes, where it just completely blocks traumatic events from your memory. It’s known that many survivors of child sexual abuse do not remember their abuse, because our brains do so much mental acrobatics to protect our fragile minds, which I assume is what happened with this film. I mean, you remember the Russian Roulette scene —though there’s multiple you most likely remember the scene that takes place when Mike and Nik (Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken) are being held captive and forced to play Russian roulette* by their sadistic captors. But so much more happens, so much more.

*There was controversy around this film about the portrayal of the Vietnamese. The Vietnam War has always fascinated me, and as a child I would often ask my Dad “What caused the Vietnam War” and he would go into a two hour long explanation that didn’t really answer my question, but I knew it had something to do with fear of communism. And similar to all wars, we had to “otherize” the enemy. Which means making them less than human. I guess dehumanize would be a better word, you idiot with a Masters degree in writing. (Hey, everyone forgets words!) Anyways, we dehumanized the Vietnamese, because unfortunately that’s kind of how war works. Many thought the depiction of the Vietnamese in this film was cruel and insensitive and painted all Vietnamese as sadistic evil war mongers who would torture and kill innocent people. I agree, that the dehumanization of Vietnamese was awful and contributed to anti-Asian racism that still continues today. But I’m not sure I agree with boycotting this film or not watching it because of the depiction of these particular Vietnamese as sadistic is problematic. Because the role they were playing was… sadistic war mongers who subjected their POWs to some pretty ratchet shit. And I’m not sure what folks wanted…like an extra scene with some Vietnamese soldiers playing cards with American soldiers? We also meet Vietnamese sex workers, and they are portrayed in a positive light, unless you have some sort of judgement against sex workers, who were most likely doing what they could to survive. Or shit maybe they enjoyed sex and why not get paid for doing something you enjoy? War is messy and as much as we want to make the other side look worse and less humane than we are, it's war and shitty things happen on all sides. I mean, most wars. I don’t know.

**Also, apparently there’s controversy with the use of Russian Roulette in the film because it probably didn’t actually happen. The Russian Roulette scenes may not have happened in real life, but this is a MOVIE, a fictional one, and the Roulette scenes put us in the place of the soldiers. It’s got be the biggest fucking thrill, right? If you win, you live and you’ve survived something insane, and if you die—like you’re not gonna know you’re dying? And if you are in the midst of war, and you watched your best friends almost die and you have no idea where they are, if you’ve seen immeasurable violence, you’re probably not that afraid of death. Not in a life affirming way, just shit I mean, what else. Apparently, it’s offensive to call it Russian Roulette but that was just in one short youtube video I watched about this film so I don’t know. Sorry to all my Russian readers, if this is offensive.

The film tells the story of a group of lifelong friends who live in a steel mill town in Pennsylvania. The movie opens with the group of men, who have grown up together, worked together getting ready to celebrate the wedding of their friend Steven to Angela, which also serves as the going away party for the men going off to fight in the Vietnam Conflict—

A pause here. I used the word conflict here because Vietnam was actually never declared a war by congress or whatever the rules are the distinguishes the use of extreme violence to advance your causes between a “conflict” and a “war”. And I remember douche schnozzles in high school, always bringing that up during discussions about war, the way that douche schnozzles do. For example:

Me: I can’t imagine what it must have been like to just live with this fear you could be drafted to a war you don’t want to fight in —

Male student: (interrupting): Well actually it wasn’t a war, it was a conflict since congress never officially declared it a war.

Me: (For real at the time) Oh sorry, yeah you’re right.

Me: (now, and what I wished I said back then) What the ever loving FUCK difference does that make on the emotional turmoil this “conflict” caused young men living in fear of being drafted to a useless war (sorry “conflict) that was horribly mismanaged and caused numerous unnecessary death sand physical injuries, not to mention the turmoil this caused an entire generation. I really truly truly fucking doubt that if you ask someone who lived through the war (which you douche schnozzles did not, NOR do you have to worry about a draft —other than strong recruitment of lower income folks with limited opportunities, yadda yadda) —do you actually think that person is going to give a shit about whether it’s officially a war or not? Like, “I watched my best friend get disemboweled but it wasn’t that bad cause it was just a conflict”. Get the fuck out of here, I hope you fall into a “well, actually”, and no one makes any effort to find you or even notices you’re gone. Sorry, not sorry.

WOOOOT. Got heated there. God the things I would say to so many f-ing men in my life with their tiny egos and the incessant need to be right all the time. Jesus Christo.

I digress…Of the six friends, three are going, Mike (Robert Deniro) Nik (Christopher Walken) and Steven (John Savage) and three friends are staying back, Stanley (John Cazale), John (George Dzundza) and Axel (Chuck Aspergen — an actual steel mill worker who has hired on the spot to be in the film, he was the second actor cast after Robert DeNiro) . I think it’s important to note that these men volunteered to go to Vietnam, they were not drafted. The film presents the characters as very pro-America, who believe they are going to defend the USA, to fight for democracy, and free the poor Vietnamese from the perils of Communism and to stop the domino effect of communism spreading throughout the world.

The first act of the film is long and establishes the closeness of the men. We see the inside jokes they have with each other, their comradery. The way they love each other, as brothers, as closer than blood. We go with them on a hunting trip, they joke and laugh at each other, playing tricks. Axel gets out to pee, and the car drives away, a cruel trick my friends and I played on each other all the time. They drive back to pick him up, and then immediately drive away again, laughing. There’s an undercurrent of fear and anxiety of going off to Vietnam. Nik talks to Mike in one scene, saying “If we get back—” Mike interrupts “When we get back.”

I’m not a hunter, but I come from a family of hunters. After moving from Hot Springs, Arkansas to Bedford, IN when the GM plant he worked for was moved, my Grandpa became one of the key people responsible for repopulating the deer population in Arkansas. I have no idea how he did this, it’s just something I’ve heard from my family. My cousin is an avid hunter. He’s told me so often, it’s not about the hunting as it is so much about that time to have solitude. Of the friends, Mike is the best hunter. He explains to his friends that you just need ONE shot to kill a deer. Skilled and patient, Mike is able to wait for that moment where he just needs that one shot. The hunting scenes are strikingly gorgeous. The rolling mountains, the sea green water, the fog rolling in. It’s easy to see how hunting can be a way to escape and have some time with your thoughts.

The film then jumps directly to the heart of the violence in Vietnam. Remember how adamant Mike was about the whole all you need is one shot thing? Eh, that’s out the window when it comes to killing Vietnamese soldiers. We watch as a Vietcong soldier throws a bomb into a shelter where a family is trying to hide, killing them instantly. DeNiro responds by blasting the soldier with several rounds. The war has demonized the Vietnamese to the point that DeNiro has more respect for the deers he hunts than the humans he is at war with.

And then, we are with Mike, Nik and Steve while they are trapped by the Vietcong, kept under the Russian Roulette games, in water. It’s the first time we see Nik and Steve. Steve’s anxiety is over the top. Understandable. But maybe more so than others. Anxiety is often our brain’s way of protecting us. For those of us with PTSD our brains are almost always on high alert, jumping right to the fight or flight or freeze or fawn mode whenever the slightest inconvenience happens. This is obviously more than a slight inconvenience. Mike does a great job of taking care of Steve, keeping him calm, in the midst of chaos.

When the pandemic first started, back in March of 2020, it was really hard here in New York. I was living alone. I couldn’t have friends over for company. At the time, my job was being a nanny and my family had gone to North Carolina (wisely because being trapped in a small apartment in Brooklyn with a 2 1/2 year old and a nine month old is its own kind of torture) but it meant I lost my access to sweet love and cuddles all day. Fast forward to me adopting two cats in late 2020. I had a boyfriend at the time, but he bailed and went to Connecticut. It’s fair, he lived with roomates here who weren’t taking it seriously, and he had more space in Connecticut. What was not cool, was him just emotionally abandoning me. I know covid was hard for everyone, but here in New York, it was worse. I’m sorry but it was. You didn’t hear the constant sirens, the times when I would just be watching a movie and forget there was a pandemic and just immediately be reminded. We had no idea what was happening, we were disinfecting our mail and not sure if we could go outside, was it airborne? I went outside to drop mail off and didn’t wear my mask, am I gonna die now? So all this is going on, and I told my boyfriend I was having a hard time and his response was “Why?” and “What do you want me to say? It’s gonna be okay?”

YES YOU HEARTLESS IDIOT. Because that’s what you need to do with someone who is panicking. Even if they are on fire and you know they have one minute left to live, it helps NO ONE to have a callous attitude and keep them panicking. When I was studying abroad in Cameroon, I dislocated my elbow on a hike and my group leader just kept being like “You’re fine, people dislocate elbows all the time.” “You’re really strong, you’re gonna be fine.” Turns out, dislocating elbows is NOT common, at all, but hearing that helped me get back through the hike and into the truck to drive to the hospital. Where he then told me the truth, and where it was easier for me to hear and process that information.

So anyways, I’m gonna skip ahead because let’s just say things get worse for the guys. Steve barely survives Russian roulette, he shoots up and grazes the side of his head with the bullet. Mike and Nik attack their captors and escape, and go out to save Steve (who had been placed in another trap). He starts yelling “Mike! Mike! There’s rats in here!” In reality, the actor playing Steve was trying to tell director Mike Cimino that there were rats there. Cimino kept it in the film.

Honestly it’s been a couple weeks since I watched the film, and I’ve been dealing with gastritis flares and being sick and unable to eat for months (doing better now!) but my memory is hazy. So Steve ends up in the veterans hospital, Nik ends up living in a Russian Roulette parlor becoming the one everyone needs to beat. Mike returns home, avoiding his welcome home party, unsure of how to feel as he thinks he may be the sole survivor from their time in the conflict.

I think about how we treat our veterans when they return. Mike returns and folks ask him “How are you?” but how do you answer that question without being a downer? Few folks actually care how you are doing, we want “yeah I’m okay” answer because we don’t actually wanna take the time to hear about someone’s depressing life story. And that’s how Mike answers, just an “Okay” with a small nod of the head and shrug, a silent communication of “how the fuck do you think I am? I was at war and my two best friends are maybe dead?” It’s easy for those responsible for sending folks off to fight to sit behind desks and send our troops off to a war that’s so inhumane. Does Mike want to be thanked for his service? Does he feel like a hero? He returns home not knowing where Nik or Steve are. He finds them, goes to visit Steve in the VA, where he is now confined to a wheelchair, having lost an arm and a leg. He’s embarrassed and weak, ashamed to see his friend when he comes to visit. Nik has been sending him wads of cash every month, his winnings from Russian Roulette.

Mike returns to Vietnam to find Nik. He finds him at the parlor, demands to play against him. Nik is numb to the world, numb to the idea that if he loses this game, he loses at life. Mike hopes to talk Nik out of it, to plan another escape. But Nik is already confined to his fate. He’s not in love with living, war has demonized him. He is merely surviving, playing this game probably hoping each time that he loses. It sounds morbid and our first reaction to anyone feeling suicidal is “hang in there! It gets better!” but I don’t think Nik can live with himself anymore. He loses the game against Mike.

The movie ends with a celebration of Nik’s life. In the credits, photos of the cast are seen in smiling happy moods, as we want to remember people. It’s almost similar to the credits in a sitcom or the end of a comedy movie.

And that’s how we should remember people. Not in their times of trauma, or their times of hurt. But we should remember the whole person. I think, even though Mike and Steve survived the war (in a sense), they did not emotionally survive the war. The wounds from our trauma may heal, but we are never the same. There’s who we were before our trauma, and who we are after. But it’s all us.